6 Damages That Divorces Can Cause In The Lives Of Children

In general, the damages that divorces can cause are usually irreversible.  If we also count the damage suffered by children, the result is almost always devastating. In children, the damage manifests itself in their self-esteem and confidence.

In the same way, it affects other aspects of their lives such as academics and, in some cases, health. Divorce is much more than the dissolution of the marriage bond. When parents separate, the children’s world often falls apart.

The separation creates a state of mourning that each member of the family must endure. Although experts affirm that children manage to adapt and assimilate it, the truth is that no one comes out unscathed from divorce.

Causes of divorce

Some of the most common causes of divorce are:

• Infidelity.
• Addiction problems.
• Domestic violence (physical or psychological).
• Intolerance to the differences of the couple.
• Accumulated disappointments or personal dissatisfaction.
• Routine and boredom.

Ways in which a divorce can be carried out

There are two types of procedures for marital separation:

By mutual agreement

It is the one that is most convenient for couples who have children, since its effect on them is less. Through this type of separation, the couple manages their frictions in harmony  and the constant arguments that are so damaging to children are avoided.

Contentious divorce

In this case, one of the spouses makes a claim explaining and justifying the reasons for the request. The defendant spouse generally does not agree with the decision, and by flatly opposing it, conflicts are started.

Damages that divorces can cause to children 

The ability of children to overcome the damage that divorce can cause is different in each case. This will depend, to a large extent, on the way in which the parents handle the separation. According to each particularity, damage to children can manifest itself in the short and long term.

1. Low self-esteem

Depending on the age and the abilities that the children possess to face new situations, the traces in their self-esteem can be more or less deep. In the event of a divorce,  children may feel that they are not important or that they are not taken into account, as this study published in Psychology Notes points out .

This is because parents generally spend a lot of time in the divorce process, reducing the amount of attention that each child requires. If the interaction with the parent who no longer lives at home is minimal, the child may feel belittled.

2. Feelings of guilt

It takes several years for children to overcome the loss of coexistence with one of their parents. If the parents’ communication is not optimal, they may come to think that they are guilty of the divorce. And this is evidenced by this article published in the journal Universitas Phsycologica .

This can happen if the parents do not have the necessary maturity to face the conflict and their responsibilities, and recharge the children with a feeling of total abandonment.

It should be noted that involving children in divorce makes them more vulnerable. Children should not be placed in the position of choosing between one parent and another. This only causes psychological damage to the child. They will feel guilty for choosing one or the other.

3. Depression, one of the damages that divorces can cause

Losing the lifestyle they used to lead and decreasing purchasing power often creates uncertainty. If, in addition, they must move house, change schools and leave friends, childhood depression will appear. Youngsters also  lose the security and confidence that their parents’ love gave them through family activities.

Additionally, it is possible that they have to live with one of the parents in a forced way. And if the time spent with the other parent is very short, the attitude can go from depressive to hostile.

Also, children may find it difficult to accept separation and make up fantasies about a reconciliation. Failure to do so can add to your frustration and depression.

4. Difficulties to socialize

Another damage that divorce can cause includes social difficulties. During the separation, the children may only think about what is happening at home. This can decrease your motivation to play and share with friends.

Likewise, academic performance can be affected, as they are so preoccupied with the family situation that they neglect other aspects of their lives. Children need to put distance between their parents’ divorce and their own lives.

5. Fear of the future, another of the damages that divorces can cause

Going from a stage of family happiness to one of separation can destabilize anyone. Everything that children can imagine definitely does not include losing a parent. A divorce process  generates great uncertainty in the children about future events.

This experience can mark them in the future in their relationships. Most likely, they are afraid of settling down and even getting married, as they will remember the experience with the separation of their parents.

6. Psychosomatic illnesses

Among the damages that divorces can cause are psychosomatic illnesses. These occur as a consequence of the high level of stress experienced during the divorce process and the anxiety generated by the new way of life.

About divorce and the consequences for children

First of all, it should be noted that  divorces should always be carried out as civilly as possible. Especially when there are children, you have to do it with great tact and affection.

On the other hand, not all children would have to express problems due to the parents’ new civil situation. In this sense, the most serious problems are due to the lack of information and not knowing what is going to happen next.

The discomforts experienced by children whose parents are going through a divorce process are not an invention, but actually feel bad about it. Given this, it is recommended to seek professional help to treat the emotional damages that the divorce may have caused in the children and help them to face the changes to come.