My Child Challenges My Limits: How Should I Cope?

Challenging behaviors are normal during early childhood and adolescence. Although they are stressful, it is important to deal with them calmly so that they do not affect the family environment.

One of the moments that alter family life is when children adopt a defiant attitude. In other words: they stop obeying and feel like they can override what their parents think. In this sense, we answer the following question: “What should I do when my child challenges my limits?”

Although the moment is a bit stressful, you should avoid despair in order to cope. It is simply a  matter of acting with determination and calm to make your children understand, in a good way, that the established limits must be respected.

On the other hand, you have to consider if their responses are normal for the stage they are in. Many of these behaviors are part of children’s development. In fact, most parents face them between the ages of two and six, and in their teens.

Since you will not always know what to do to correct this situation, below we want to share some recommendations. But first let’s review in detail why you should act patiently and positively.

Why act calm when my child challenges my limits?

It is inevitable that at some point you will face situations in which your child challenges you. You will likely hear phrases like “I don’t want to do it”; “I do what I want” or “I do not want to bathe”  in a challenging tone that is very annoying to you.

The “no” for an answer and disobedience are exhausting your patience and sometimes you do not find another solution than a threat or a scolding. However, it is important to learn to manage calm, as there is no better way to control such behavior.

Sometimes adults are the ones who misunderstand children’s ways of acting. What seems like a challenge or challenge may be normal behavior for your age. For example, if a two-year-old does not obey an order, he is not challenging his parents.

Why do children challenge?

At two years they are not mature enough to control their behavior, or to understand what a rule is. Therefore, it is not a time to set penalties or be too strict. The right thing to do is to stay calm and be a guide so that you understand it as you grow.

Tantrums and tantrums will reappear, on many occasions, throughout childhood and during adolescence. The essential thing is that you keep in mind that they tend to have meaning. While they can be a sign of autonomy and self-assertion, they can also be the way to get attention.

In childhood and adolescence there are determining moments of change that are reflected through these behaviors. However, you should not lower your guard, because what seems normal can also turn into a problem that is difficult to control.

Be concerned when challenging behavior is aggressive and persistent  or when it begins to significantly impact family and school life. If these interfere with the normal development of the child’s activities, it is better to seek psychological help.

What can I do if my child challenges my limits?

At this point, it is good to clarify that it is not about letting the children do what they want. Although calm will be your best ally, you must also know what you have to implement to keep these types of situations under control.

You are probably wondering what to do if your child challenges your limits. Well, although the problem may be different in each case, there are some basic tips that can help you not to reach an extreme where it affects the family.

Establish rules and logical limits

Being consistent with the limits you set allows you to defend them firmly and without feeling guilty. This does not mean that you have to yell or be aggressive, it is about maintaining the norm no matter what happens, as evidenced by this study published in the Spanish Journal of Orientation and Psychopedagogy .

Manage achievements and triumphs if my child challenges my limits

You should not focus your attention on everything that the child does wrong. Keep in mind that, if you recognize his positive actions and good behavior, he will begin to recognize these behaviors as the most appropriate, as this article published in the Journal of Psychology and Education points out .

Determine the consequences

Failure to comply with any rule brings a consequence. For this reason, you have to determine what will be the punishments or reactions to disobedience. Try to avoid “second chances”, as this shows weakness in your decisions.

Reinforce alternative behaviors

What you can do, instead of giving another chance, is saying yes to the alternatives. In fact, this is very healthy for children. When you give other alternatives of cooperation, you encourage compliance with the rules without reaching punishment.

Avoid falling into the attitude of challenge

The lack of patience and the anger of the moment can make you fall into an attitude just as defiant as the child. Be careful, because this can make things difficult. It is essential that you remain calm and acquire mental strength to face it.

In short, try to maintain a firm and positive attitude when you feel that your child is challenging the limits you set. Learn to recognize when you use this medium to get attention and try to get to the bottom of the situation by staying calm and encouraging respect. In this way, when you wonder why your child is challenging your limits, you will have the most effective tools to cope.